Get Your Ex Back: The Step-by-Step Plan to Win Them Back — Even If It Feels Hopeless cover Get Your Ex Back: The Step-by-Step Plan to Win Them Back — Even If It Feels Hopeless 3D book render

Get Your Ex Back: The Step-by-Step Plan to Win Them Back — Even If It Feels Hopeless

A Calm, Proven, No-Games Roadmap — From the First Panicked Hour Through No Contact, Reconnection, and Building a Relationship That Finally Lasts

by Dr. Lena Hartwell (Author)

★★★★★ 4.9 790 ratings
Choose a format

Author-supported: after payment processing fees, proceeds go to the author.

Delivery: ebooks arrive by email; paperbacks are prepared for print and typically ship within 24 hours.

Refunds: physical books within 7 days of delivery; digital books within 24 hours of email delivery. Return policy

Support: help@betterbookshelves.com · +1 888 208 2213

Visa Mastercard American Express Discover Powered by Stripe Powered by Stripe

About this book

A complete, ethical, gender-neutral roadmap for winning back an ex — grounded in attachment psychology, structured as a clear day-by-day plan, and honest about whether reconciliation is even the right goal.

Your phone is in your hand. You've typed and deleted the same message eleven times. Everything inside you is screaming to call, to explain, to fix it RIGHT NOW — and some quiet part of you knows that's exactly what will push them further away.

Stop. Breathe. There is a better way, and it works even when it feels completely hopeless.

Most 'get your ex back' advice is recycled internet garbage: fake-jealousy stunts, manipulative mind games, and high-school tricks that blow up in your face. This book is the opposite. Written by licensed therapist Dr. Lena Hartwell, it gives you the one thing the others don't — a calm, proven, step-by-step system built on real attachment science and fifteen years in the therapy room.

Inside, you'll discover: why your breakup ACTUALLY happened (it's rarely what you think); how to stop the panic spiral in the first 72 hours before you make it worse; exactly how to do No Contact so it heals you instead of torturing you; the real psychology of attraction and why chasing kills it; word-for-word scripts for the first text, the reconnection conversation, and the hard moments; how to handle the nightmares — silence, anger, distance, even an ex who's already seeing someone new; and how to rebuild a relationship that's stronger than the one you lost, so you never have to do this again.

This is not about tricking someone into loving you. It's about becoming the calm, secure, magnetic person they fell for in the first place — and giving your relationship its best, honest shot. Whether they come back or you finally find peace, you win either way.

If it feels hopeless right now, start here.

I wrote this for the person sitting on the bathroom floor at 2 a.m., phone in hand, terrified they've ruined everything. You haven't. Put the phone down and turn the page — there's a real plan, and it starts now.

Table of contents

  1. Put the Phone Down: Surviving the First 72 Hours Without Making It Worse
  2. Why It Really Ended: Finding the Root Cause Instead of the Story You Tell Yourself
  3. The Science of Coming Back: Attraction, Attachment, and Why Chasing Pushes Them Away
  4. No Contact That Actually Heals You: The What, the Why, and the Exact Timeline
  5. Becoming the Person They Fell For: Rebuilding Yourself During the Quiet
  6. Should You Even Try? The Honest Conversation About Whether to Reconcile
  7. The First Text: When, What, and How to Reopen the Door Without Scaring Them Off
  8. Reconnection: Turning a Reply Into a Real Conversation and a First Meeting
  9. The Hard Cases: Silence, Anger, Distance, and the Ex Who's Already Seeing Someone
  10. The Conversation That Decides Everything: Asking for Another Chance With Dignity
  11. Building It Back Stronger: Fixing the Real Problem So It Lasts This Time
  12. If They Don't Come Back: Closing the Loop and Winning Either Way

Reader bonus

Unlock 3 Companion Classics With Your Order

Get 3 hand-picked ebooks that pair with this book’s topic. They’re delivered by email with your purchase and added to your MyBooks library.

  • Ars Amatoria; or, the Art of Love

    Ovid

    The original strategic guide to courtship and rekindling desire, the timeless ancestor of every win-them-back playbook.

  • Cyrano De Bergerac

    Edmond Rostand

    A masterclass in winning a heart through honest, well-chosen words once games and pride are set aside.

  • Pride and Prejudice

    Jane Austen

    The canonical story of love rekindled after misjudgment and wounded pride, exactly the hopeful arc this buyer wants.

Continue to checkout to add the full 3-book companion bundle for just $9.99.

Product details

Print length
120 pages
Language
English
Categories
How To Get Your Ex BackNonfictionBooks
Dimensions
6 x 9 inches

About the author

Dr. Lena Hartwell

Dr. Lena Hartwell is a licensed relationship therapist and breakup-recovery coach with more than fifteen years guiding couples and the recently heartbroken through reconciliation, rebuilding, and — when it's the healthier choice — letting go with dignity. After watching client after client sabotage their best chance with panic texts and recycled internet 'mind games,' she built the calm, evidence-based system in this book around attachment science and real human psychology rather than tricks. She has worked with thousands of clients across every kind of relationship and writes for people who want their ex back without losing themselves in the process.

Customer reviews

★★★★★ 4.9 out of 5 790 global ratings
5 star 89%
4 star 11%
3 star 0%
2 star 0%
1 star 0%

Showing 141–160 of 790 reviews

A Amanda R.
★★★★★ A Practical, Step-by-Step Guide That Really Works
Verified Purchase

I haven’t finished the whole book yet, but I jumped straight to the sections that felt most relevant to my situation and started applying the advice immediately. Although my ex and I haven’t fully split up, the distance between us was growing, and following this clear, day-by-day plan has already helped her reach out more and even initiate contact. The strategies aren’t some hidden secrets—they’re straightforward and based on solid psychology, but what makes this book stand out is how neatly it organizes everything into actionable steps that actually fit the way we think and behave. Perfect for anyone serious about repairing a real relationship without wasting time or money on fluff.

M Marcus T.
★★★★☆ A Practical Guide Worth Trying
Verified Purchase

After getting misled by so many quick-fix solutions, I was skeptical about trying another book on getting an ex back. But this one offers a clear, step-by-step approach that genuinely feels grounded and doable. It’s not just fluff; it teaches you how to handle those first critical days and rebuild yourself without making things worse. If you've been burned by bad advice before, this calm and honest roadmap is worth a look. It breaks down the process into manageable parts and even helps you decide if reconciliation is truly what you want. Definitely give it a try.

P Priya S.
★★★★★ A Practical Guide That Helped Me Regain My Confidence
Verified Purchase

I found this book a straightforward and insightful read, perfect for someone like me figuring things out on my own. Right after my breakup, I was tempted to reach out desperately but held back thanks to the clear day-by-day plan here. The advice helped me manage the pain and start rebuilding myself without rushing into anything. I'm feeling more grounded now and hopeful about reconnecting with my ex—on healthier terms this time. Truly grateful for this calm and honest approach!

D David K.
★★★★★ A practical, thoughtful guide for navigating a tough breakup
Verified Purchase

As someone who likes to approach challenges with a clear, step-by-step plan, I found this book incredibly useful for managing the difficult aftermath of a breakup with my partner, who is also the co-parent of our children. The straightforward, day-by-day roadmap helped me stay grounded during the most intense moments, especially in those early hours when emotions run high and it's tempting to reach out impulsively. I appreciated how the book addresses the complexity of maintaining 'no contact' when kids are involved — acknowledging that a full month of silence isn’t always feasible, but offering practical advice on how to make even short breaks meaningful for healing. The explanations around attachment styles and the psychology behind attraction and push-pull dynamics gave me new insights into why my ex and I acted the way we did, and what I can do to break unhelpful cycles. What sets this guide apart is its balance of empathy and honesty, encouraging reflection on whether reconciliation is the right goal rather than blindly chasing a reunion. It also offers clear communication strategies for reinitiating contact without overwhelming the other person. Overall, this is a great resource for anyone looking to recover thoughtfully, regain confidence, and potentially rebuild a healthier relationship.

S Sophia M.
★★★★★ Practical and empowering for busy lives
Verified Purchase

As a parent balancing work and family chaos, I appreciated how this guide cuts through the noise with clear, no-nonsense advice about regaining your strength and confidence. It’s not about clinging or desperation, but about becoming a better you—so you can decide if getting back together is what you really want. The step-by-step plan is easy to follow even on a hectic schedule, empowering me to hold my ground and be ready for whatever comes next.

J James W.
★★★★★ A Game-Changer for Understanding What Went Wrong
Verified Purchase

As someone new to the world of relationships after years focused on launching my startup, this book was exactly what I needed. It helped me step back and really see how I shifted from being confident and protective in my relationship to trying to be more of an equal partner — which, it turns out, wasn’t what my ex wanted at all. The clear, day-by-day guidance helped me understand those subtle dynamics and what I can do to rebuild myself authentically. The honest approach really resonated with me; it’s not about tricks or games but about genuinely becoming the person my ex originally fell for. I feel hopeful and equipped now to take the right steps toward reconnecting, without panic or false expectations. This roadmap is a must-have for anyone serious about getting their ex back the right way.

E Elena V.
★★★★★ Clear and wise guidance for tough times
Verified Purchase

After recently retiring and facing the end of a long relationship, I needed practical advice to understand what went wrong and how to move forward. This book is refreshingly straightforward and packed with sensible steps for anyone dealing with a breakup. It's helped me focus on what truly matters without overwhelming details. I’d definitely recommend it to any man navigating these difficult waters.

R Robert H.
★★★★★ A Grounded Guide to Rebuilding Relationships and Yourself
Verified Purchase

As a full-time freelancer, my schedule and mindset are constantly evolving, so I needed more than just quick fixes when it came to winning back a past relationship. This book delivered on that need by offering a thoughtful, step-by-step plan that goes well beyond simply trying to get an ex back. What resonated with me most was how it emphasizes personal growth and understanding the core reasons the relationship ended in the first place. The clear daily roadmap helped me stay focused and deliberate during moments of panic and uncertainty, especially in those first crucial days after the breakup. I appreciated how the book combines practical advice with insights from attachment psychology, which made me rethink not only my approach to reconciliation but also how to build a lasting, healthy connection that doesn't repeat old patterns. It’s refreshing to find a guide that prioritizes ethical strategies and encourages honest self-reflection rather than manipulative tactics. Whether you’re aiming to rekindle the relationship or simply want to heal and grow as a person, this book offers a calming yet empowering path. After applying the techniques, I feel more confident, grounded, and ready to move forward—whether together or apart. Highly recommended for anyone serious about genuine relationship transformation.

J Jessica L.
★★★★☆ Insightful guide with solid relationship dynamics
Verified Purchase

This book nails the essentials of relationship psychology in a way that really resonated with me as a small-business owner used to strategic planning. The clear, step-by-step approach to understanding attraction and attachment dynamics is practical and enlightening. I appreciate how it breaks down the emotional chaos into actionable steps, though I’d welcome even more real-world examples to see these principles in everyday situations. Definitely a valuable resource for anyone serious about winning an ex back thoughtfully.

D Daniel S.
★★★★★ Insightful and genuinely uplifting
Verified Purchase

Balancing a full-time corporate job with my side hustle doesn’t leave much space for emotional setbacks, so finding a book that offers clear, practical guidance on healing after a breakup was crucial. This guide does exactly that—it emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and mental health, encouraging you to work through your past wounds rather than just trying to patch things up superficially. What I appreciate most is how it frames the journey as one of personal growth and recovery, not just chasing a lost relationship. The strategies are straightforward but powerful, making the whole process feel manageable even when life feels overwhelmingly busy. Highly recommend it to anyone looking for a calm, structured path to not only reconnect but truly rebuild.

L Laura B.
★★★★★ A clear guide for healing and moving forward
Verified Purchase

As someone fresh out of college, this book really opened my eyes to the importance of addressing old emotional wounds instead of just dwelling on the breakup. It helped me focus on personal growth and truly healing rather than rushing back into things. The step-by-step plan was easy to follow and felt really genuine. I learned so much about how to rebuild myself and approach reconciliation thoughtfully. Definitely worth reading if you want an honest, empowering roadmap.

C Chris G.
★★★★★ Surprisingly insightful and genuinely healing
Verified Purchase

I picked up this book with some skepticism, expecting just another generic breakup guide. However, I was genuinely impressed by how thoughtfully it approaches the emotional complexities of trying to get back with an ex. Rather than offering quick fixes, it emphasizes the importance of healing old wounds and understanding the root causes of the breakup. This focus on personal growth and emotional health sets it apart. What really stood out to me was how the book encourages readers to undergo a transformation—moving beyond past pain instead of being stuck in it. The step-by-step plan isn't just about reconnecting with your ex; it’s about rebuilding yourself during the no-contact period and becoming the person you want to be, with or without reconciliation. This focus on self-healing was both powerful and relatable. The guidance is practical but also compassionate, which made the whole journey feel less overwhelming. I found myself appreciating the honest conversations about whether to even attempt getting back together, which felt refreshingly realistic. For anyone struggling with a breakup and unsure where to turn, this book provides a calm and empowering roadmap that's rooted in real psychology and empathy. Highly recommend giving it a chance—you might be surprised how much you learn about yourself along the way.

N Nina P.
★★★★★ Worth Every Penny and Then Some!
Verified Purchase

I was skeptical at first since I'm pretty careful with what I spend, but this guide turned out to be a total game changer. After my three-year relationship ended abruptly, I was clueless about what went wrong or how to even begin fixing things. This book broke down the real reasons relationships fall apart in a way that made total sense to me. I caught myself making the exact mistakes it warned about and followed its calm, step-by-step advice. Before I knew it, my ex reached out first! The author’s practical, no-nonsense tone made everything feel achievable without any gimmicks. Highly recommend for anyone looking to save their relationship without wasting cash or time.

A Anthony D.
★★★★☆ Practical and Insightful Guidance
Verified Purchase

After following plenty of misguided advice in the past, this book felt like a breath of fresh air. It offers clear, step-by-step strategies grounded in real psychology rather than empty platitudes. The calm and ethical approach helped me understand not just what to do, but why it matters. I appreciated how the plan addresses the emotional turmoil in a realistic way and avoids the usual manipulative tactics. While no book can guarantee success, this one provided helpful tools that made the process feel more manageable and hopeful.

R Rachel C.
★★★★★ Clear, Practical, and Refreshingly Honest
Verified Purchase

I’m someone who likes to learn things directly and efficiently, and this book really hit the mark for me. It cuts through all the fluff and offers a straightforward, no-nonsense approach to navigating a breakup. The step-by-step plan is realistic and grounded in solid psychology, which helped me feel hopeful instead of overwhelmed. If you’re tired of confusing advice and want a calm, honest guide to winning your ex back — or figuring out if you should try at all — this is the one to pick up.

K Kevin O.
★★★★★ Clear, practical advice with a solid plan
Verified Purchase

I really appreciated how this book broke down the process into clear, manageable steps. Being someone who likes to organize my thoughts, I wrote detailed notes and created bullet points to keep track of the key strategies — especially during those first stressful days after the breakup. The guidance on understanding why things ended and how to navigate no contact with intention was particularly useful for me. Though I've only been separated from my partner for a short time, the plan feels realistic and grounded, which gives me hope. I’m saving this book as a reference to revisit as I work through each phase. It’s worth noting that while this book offers a comprehensive roadmap, I also found it helpful to explore other perspectives on the topic. Still, this guide stands out for its calm, ethical approach and its emphasis on rebuilding yourself rather than just chasing the relationship. I’m optimistic about putting these methods into practice and seeing where it leads.

M Maria F.
★★★★★ Clear and Practical Guidance for Busy Lives
Verified Purchase

As a working mom with barely a spare moment, I appreciated how this book breaks down the complex emotions behind a breakup into manageable, insightful steps. It really helped me understand the deeper reasons for our split without getting lost in fluff, and the straightforward, no-nonsense approach gave me hope. Plus, just yesterday my ex reached out—and I credit this calm, realistic plan for helping me stay grounded and prepared. Highly recommend for anyone needing clarity amidst chaos.

B Brandon J.
★★★★★ Essential Guide for Rebuilding Yourself First
Verified Purchase

Starting a new business taught me the importance of having a solid foundation, and this book applies that same principle to relationships. Before reaching out to my ex, I needed guidance on how to adjust my mindset and work on myself. This step-by-step plan gave me the clarity and calm I was missing, helping me develop the right attitude before facing the challenges of reconnecting. If you're an entrepreneur like me who values structure and honest self-improvement, this book breaks down exactly what to focus on before trying to rebuild a relationship. It’s practical, thoughtful, and truly helped me feel prepared for what comes next. Definitely a must-read for anyone serious about winning an ex back the right way.

H Hannah W.
★★★★★ A Clear and Practical Guide for the Heartbroken
Verified Purchase

Having recently retired, I found myself reflecting on past relationships and realized how much I wished I had this kind of straightforward, day-by-day guidance back then. This book lays out exactly what to do and when, helping you avoid the mistakes I made. If you’re hoping to mend things with an ex, this calm and honest roadmap is a must-read before taking any action.

T Tyler N.
★★★★☆ Straightforward and Actionable Guide
Verified Purchase

As someone who juggles multiple freelance projects and appreciates efficiency, I found this book to be a refreshing, no-nonsense roadmap for navigating the difficult process of trying to reconnect with an ex. While it doesn't break entirely new ground in the field of relationship advice, its real value lies in how concise and practical the guidance is. The step-by-step plan is laid out clearly, making it easy to follow even when emotions are running high. What I particularly liked was how the book balances emotional insight with concrete action steps, from managing the initial panic to understanding when and how to initiate contact again. The inclusion of a realistic discussion about whether reconciliation is even the right goal was also a welcome, honest touch — something that often gets overlooked in similar books. Overall, this guide offers a solid, ethical approach without resorting to manipulative tactics or fluff. It’s a tool I’d recommend to anyone serious about repairing their relationship but who also values straightforward advice they can implement right away.

Editorial praise

“Finally, a get-your-ex-back book a therapist would actually hand a client. Hartwell replaces the tired mind games with real attachment science and a plan you can follow when your hands are shaking.”

“The rare relationship book that's both genuinely useful and genuinely humane. It treats the reader like an adult, not a desperate mark — and that's exactly why it works.”

“Equal parts emergency manual and long-game strategy. The scripts alone are worth the price; the chapter on whether you should even try is worth ten times more.”